Definition:
• Domestic violence is also referred to as family violence and spousal abuse
• One person in a relationship believes he/she has the right to control the other
• Usually occurs between two people who are or were intimate with one another
• Involves a pattern of behavior intended to control and subjugate the victim
through the use of fear, jealousy, isolation, economic control, threat of
deportation, verbal attacks, sexual abuse and physical force/assault
• Abuse of a child or an elderly by an adult also comes under family violence
• Crosses barriers of race, religion, gender, age, education and economic status
• However, 95% of victims of domestic violence happen to be women
Symptoms:
• A domestic violence attack is often one-sided and vicious; not a normal squabble
• Incidents are not isolated; they occur in repeated cycles or a pattern
• Tension building followed by actual violence and ending in a calm stage
of making-up called the honeymoon period
• The cycle continues despite promises by the perpetrator to stop the violence
• Overtime, the violence becomes more frequent and the honeymoon stage, shorter
• An element of fear and unpredictability is always present for the victim
• The victim may find herself compromising out of fear, not out of choice
• The victim may feel as if she is “losing her mind,” that she has no choice
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, worthlessness and denial are fairly common
• Feelings of “love” for the abuser superceding victim’s instincts that this is wrong
Options:
• Know that domestic violence is a crime in the United States
• Do not attempt to face the problem alone; there are many others like you
• Talk to a trusted friend or a relative; keep records of the incidents
• Join a women’s empowerment group through local church or women’s shelter
• Seek counseling through a battered women’s center (often free) or elsewhere
• If you feel unsafe, call the police and/or a hotline immediately
• If leaving seems to be the only option, you may be right. Just leave.
• Have a plan of action – where you will go; who you will call; what you will take
• Keep important papers, documents, medication, money etc, easily accessible
• Do not hesitate to file charges and take legal action
• There are legal recourses such as protective and restraining orders
• Utilize the help of a domestic violence advocate in all your actions
• Never compromise the safety of yourself or your children
• Always remember no one deserves to be abused